Eat Your Brains: Duds for Undead

I know there's a burning question out there for all you fashion conscious Zombies out there: What's a trendy undead not to be caught dead wearing out and about.

Well let me provide you with some helpful hints.

First, let me tell you, even though you're a true blue Alpha zombie, you don't want to stand out like one. Sure running around in the buff is a great way to scare the bejesus out of some human you're trying to nosh on, but it's also a great way to get yourself a date with a headshot.

Think of it this way. If you were a human faced with 2 zombies coming at you and one's dressed and the other one's shuffling towards you in all his unglory, which one you gonna shoot first?


So the main key to survival is you don't want to stand out. You want to blend in. Now I'm not saying rush out and attack a army base to get your hands on some camouflage. Sure that's great if you're prowling around the woods, but not so hot in the business district downtown.

Avoid bright and flashy colors, and especially things with a Target store logo on it. The last thing humans need is more encouragement to shoot you.

So stick to the basics: general run of the mill clothing. You aren't going to be on the runway in Paris. You are trying to eat Paris before she runs away.


Now that we've got your look down, let's look at practicality.

Baggy and loose clothes are a big no-no. Sure maybe it was hip to have those baggy pants sagging to your knees when you were human, but now all they're going to do is trip you up when you're chasing dinner.

Nothing is worse than snagging your shirt on some nail sticking out, causing you to lose a meal, or even worse getting you all caught up and losing your head.

Tight clothing is optimal here. Much less chance of it catching on anything and/or slowing you down. OK, not that tight, we already have rigor mortis to worry about stiffing us up without your bulging leather pants doing it as well.

Finally, if you can get your hands on one, a helmet isn't a bad idea, so long as it doesn't draw too much attention to you. Anything that prevents a headshot is a good thing, if it doesn't make you even more of a target.


That's it. Follow these simple rules and you may not be the trendiest Zombie on your block, but like most fads, they'll be gone before you know it.


P.S. You may have noticed this checklist is eerily similar to suggestions on what humans should wear to survive a Zombie invasion. Personally, I think it's cute they're planning way in advance for their eventual unlife.