Brains?

I am still alive (or undead) just got the humans keeping me on the run. Will re-launch and do updates when I can have time. Thanks for any and all well wishes.

Eat Your Brains: Ask a Zombie - Vol 3

Got another question from a human this time around. Come on Zombies, I know it's hard to type what with the stiff joints and all, but you can't let all these humans show us up. We're supposed to win the war you know.

Sandler poses the following question:

Do Zombies wear boxers, briefs or panties?


I thought this was a pretty timely question since we just covered
Zombie Fashion in the last post.

Obviously, this varies from zombie to zombie, but I'd say it's a safe bet most of all the lady Zs out there are going to be found wearing panties. As for the fashionable male undead... You might be suprised to find there's a big metrozombial movement with a big push for boxer-briefs. They offer both support and a lower chance for loose fabric snagging, while being much more fashionable than your regular tighty whities. Or undeady reddies, depending on your state of undress and how messy an eater you are.

Zombies can be pretty individualistic when it comes down to it, underneath it all. On the outside we might look like a bunch of the same blood-covered monsters, but somewhere on the inside we might just feel special in our pretty pretty pink panties as we eat your brains.


Be sure to submit your question using the link on the left. I'd suggest refreshing the page that pops up to get a new captcha code. That seems to fix the issue with it saying "wrong code." Until next time!

Eat Your Brains: Duds for Undead

I know there's a burning question out there for all you fashion conscious Zombies out there: What's a trendy undead not to be caught dead wearing out and about.

Well let me provide you with some helpful hints.

First, let me tell you, even though you're a true blue Alpha zombie, you don't want to stand out like one. Sure running around in the buff is a great way to scare the bejesus out of some human you're trying to nosh on, but it's also a great way to get yourself a date with a headshot.

Think of it this way. If you were a human faced with 2 zombies coming at you and one's dressed and the other one's shuffling towards you in all his unglory, which one you gonna shoot first?


So the main key to survival is you don't want to stand out. You want to blend in. Now I'm not saying rush out and attack a army base to get your hands on some camouflage. Sure that's great if you're prowling around the woods, but not so hot in the business district downtown.

Avoid bright and flashy colors, and especially things with a Target store logo on it. The last thing humans need is more encouragement to shoot you.

So stick to the basics: general run of the mill clothing. You aren't going to be on the runway in Paris. You are trying to eat Paris before she runs away.


Now that we've got your look down, let's look at practicality.

Baggy and loose clothes are a big no-no. Sure maybe it was hip to have those baggy pants sagging to your knees when you were human, but now all they're going to do is trip you up when you're chasing dinner.

Nothing is worse than snagging your shirt on some nail sticking out, causing you to lose a meal, or even worse getting you all caught up and losing your head.

Tight clothing is optimal here. Much less chance of it catching on anything and/or slowing you down. OK, not that tight, we already have rigor mortis to worry about stiffing us up without your bulging leather pants doing it as well.

Finally, if you can get your hands on one, a helmet isn't a bad idea, so long as it doesn't draw too much attention to you. Anything that prevents a headshot is a good thing, if it doesn't make you even more of a target.


That's it. Follow these simple rules and you may not be the trendiest Zombie on your block, but like most fads, they'll be gone before you know it.


P.S. You may have noticed this checklist is eerily similar to suggestions on what humans should wear to survive a Zombie invasion. Personally, I think it's cute they're planning way in advance for their eventual unlife.

Eat Your Brains: Ask a Zombie - Vol 2

This edition of Ask as Zombie comes from Brie (not the cheese) from Wisconsin dairy land. Are we sure she's not the cheese? She asks a food related question:

Hey Zed,

I'm a pretty good cook and I was wondering if there was something else Zombies will eat besides brains that I can use to distract the Zombies from eating my brains, like delicious bacon?


This is an astute collection. And despite opinions to the contrary there is something you can eat to repel Zombies. Now my fellow legions of undead may get angry as I "reveal" the secrets, but I offered to help humans and Zombies alike, so I must do my solemn duty.

Just as the vampire hates garlic, Zombies have a particular abhorrence to a subset of grub: fatty foods. That's right the higher the calories, the more we hate them. You should just eat all the fatty, high carb, low nutrient food stuffs you can get your hands on. Junk food: Hate it!

To be safe, you should constantly be stuffing your gullet with all kinds of fatty foods. And while you're at it, I would quit any kind of exercise program you might be doing it.

Let me tell you that there is nothing that will get rid of Zombies at your door quicker than to see an overweight slow moving out of shape human plodding away from them.

Hope that helps! If you'd like I'd be happy to send some Hostess products your way. Feel free to respond back with your personal address and the times when you're least productive, like sleeping, so I know... when not to come by because I'd hate to be repelled by your lack of energy and not give you delicious cakes. Yeah.


That's it for this edition of "Ask a Zombie", feel free to sent your questions / comments by clicking the Contact link on the left. I've gotten some feedback on the codes not working right when trying to submit. If you have that problem, leave me a comment and I'll work on finding a better solution. In the meantime, I've heard refreshing will eventually get it to work. Until next time!

Eat Your Brains: Media Splatter - Fido

This edition of Media Splatter for your Gray Matter involves one of the scariest things I've ever seen in my entire unlife: Fido



I cannot begin to explain how much this movie freaked me out. I mean the entire premise is based on the fact that the Zombie horde has been surpressed and either locked out of cities or, I can barely bring myself to say it...

Domesticated.

I know! It blew my mind! Well not literally, but that'd be about the only thing I could imagine being worse.

So this family living in the "safe zone" gets a pet zombie and something goes wrong with it's control collar and it kills somebody.

I'm thinking, finally, this is about to get real, but no! It gets FEELINGS for it's human owners. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

I found it hard to even find something to take away from this movie beside all that is wrong with humanity. Domesticated Zombies. I mean really.

I'd almost prefer a bullet in the head. Almost. I guess the thing to take away from this horror flick is that if for some terrible, terrible reason you find yourself in this situation, just bide your time.

Human's always get complacent, you'll get your chance sooner or later. It's not like your going to die. Though I'd rather do that then end up like Tammy the love slave Zombie.

*shudders*