Eat Your Brains: Ask a Zombie - Vol 3

Got another question from a human this time around. Come on Zombies, I know it's hard to type what with the stiff joints and all, but you can't let all these humans show us up. We're supposed to win the war you know.

Sandler poses the following question:

Do Zombies wear boxers, briefs or panties?


I thought this was a pretty timely question since we just covered
Zombie Fashion in the last post.

Obviously, this varies from zombie to zombie, but I'd say it's a safe bet most of all the lady Zs out there are going to be found wearing panties. As for the fashionable male undead... You might be suprised to find there's a big metrozombial movement with a big push for boxer-briefs. They offer both support and a lower chance for loose fabric snagging, while being much more fashionable than your regular tighty whities. Or undeady reddies, depending on your state of undress and how messy an eater you are.

Zombies can be pretty individualistic when it comes down to it, underneath it all. On the outside we might look like a bunch of the same blood-covered monsters, but somewhere on the inside we might just feel special in our pretty pretty pink panties as we eat your brains.


Be sure to submit your question using the link on the left. I'd suggest refreshing the page that pops up to get a new captcha code. That seems to fix the issue with it saying "wrong code." Until next time!

Eat Your Brains: Ask a Zombie - Vol 2

This edition of Ask as Zombie comes from Brie (not the cheese) from Wisconsin dairy land. Are we sure she's not the cheese? She asks a food related question:

Hey Zed,

I'm a pretty good cook and I was wondering if there was something else Zombies will eat besides brains that I can use to distract the Zombies from eating my brains, like delicious bacon?


This is an astute collection. And despite opinions to the contrary there is something you can eat to repel Zombies. Now my fellow legions of undead may get angry as I "reveal" the secrets, but I offered to help humans and Zombies alike, so I must do my solemn duty.

Just as the vampire hates garlic, Zombies have a particular abhorrence to a subset of grub: fatty foods. That's right the higher the calories, the more we hate them. You should just eat all the fatty, high carb, low nutrient food stuffs you can get your hands on. Junk food: Hate it!

To be safe, you should constantly be stuffing your gullet with all kinds of fatty foods. And while you're at it, I would quit any kind of exercise program you might be doing it.

Let me tell you that there is nothing that will get rid of Zombies at your door quicker than to see an overweight slow moving out of shape human plodding away from them.

Hope that helps! If you'd like I'd be happy to send some Hostess products your way. Feel free to respond back with your personal address and the times when you're least productive, like sleeping, so I know... when not to come by because I'd hate to be repelled by your lack of energy and not give you delicious cakes. Yeah.


That's it for this edition of "Ask a Zombie", feel free to sent your questions / comments by clicking the Contact link on the left. I've gotten some feedback on the codes not working right when trying to submit. If you have that problem, leave me a comment and I'll work on finding a better solution. In the meantime, I've heard refreshing will eventually get it to work. Until next time!

Eat Your Brains: Ask a Zombie - Vol 1

It's time for Ask a Zombie!

Got my first questions today from "scarfmonsters". I'm not sure if that means they're monsters that wear scarves or eat scarves. Either way, I think a good partnership could be worked out here. They could grab humans by their scarves and hold them still while I eat their brains.

Then they can do whatever sick and twisted (and probably gross) thing they do to scarves with no more struggling. Hey and I bet they even get free blood stains on them too. Definitely win-win.

But enough delay! On to the questions:

Question 1

Dear Zed,

Do Zombies like The Gilmore Girls?

Well I can't speak for all Zombies, but I can personally answer a resounding YES! One of my favorite things to do is have all my girlfriends come over for a big Gilmore Girl marathon! Once they get inside, I like to lock the door behind them, you know, so no stupid boys can come in and interrupt us while we're watching.

And then once we get into it I like to start a little game. It goes like this:

Anytime Lorelai or Rory drink some coffee I eat someone's brain.

Whenever Lorelai or Rory eat Mallomars or other junk food I eat someone's brain.

When someone speaks in a string of run on sentences I eat someone's brains.


Sadly we usually don't make it more than a couple episodes. Everyone just gets, uh, tired. Speaking of which, I need to round up some more girlfriends.

Question 2

Dear Zed,

Do Zombies have eating disorders?

Sadly, the answer to this very serious question is yes. Eating disorders are no joke. I couldn't tell you how many malnourished Zombies are out there because their lower jaws have been shot off, or most of their teeth are missing or some other human caused calamity.

This is an Epidemic people! Well besides the fact that Zombies were possibly caused by an Epidemic. So please, do what you can to help these poor unfortunate souls. Put down your weapons, unlock your doors, and lean your head ever so slightly to the right.

Thanks!

Keep those questions coming! I'll do my best to get to them all!

askazombie@hotmail.com

Eat Your Brains: Ask a Zombie!

I've gotten a couple of questions so I thought maybe I would open the floor to some questions. Feel free to ask anything you like and maybe your question will show up here.

Just keep mashing at the keyboard until you get 'askazombie@hotmail.com' to come up and your question will get right to me. It'd help if you put "Ask a Zombie" in the subject line, because while I do like a certain meat in it's own jelly, SPAM is not the one I crave.

Any humans out there can feel free to submit to your inevitable demise and hand over your brains questions as well. Be sure to include your home address, when you like to sleep, where you hide any weapons and the emergency key for your house in your correspondence. So, uh, I can be thorough in my response.

Yep, that's what I'm going with there.