Eat Your Brains: Ask a Zombie - Vol 1

It's time for Ask a Zombie!

Got my first questions today from "scarfmonsters". I'm not sure if that means they're monsters that wear scarves or eat scarves. Either way, I think a good partnership could be worked out here. They could grab humans by their scarves and hold them still while I eat their brains.

Then they can do whatever sick and twisted (and probably gross) thing they do to scarves with no more struggling. Hey and I bet they even get free blood stains on them too. Definitely win-win.

But enough delay! On to the questions:

Question 1

Dear Zed,

Do Zombies like The Gilmore Girls?

Well I can't speak for all Zombies, but I can personally answer a resounding YES! One of my favorite things to do is have all my girlfriends come over for a big Gilmore Girl marathon! Once they get inside, I like to lock the door behind them, you know, so no stupid boys can come in and interrupt us while we're watching.

And then once we get into it I like to start a little game. It goes like this:

Anytime Lorelai or Rory drink some coffee I eat someone's brain.

Whenever Lorelai or Rory eat Mallomars or other junk food I eat someone's brain.

When someone speaks in a string of run on sentences I eat someone's brains.


Sadly we usually don't make it more than a couple episodes. Everyone just gets, uh, tired. Speaking of which, I need to round up some more girlfriends.

Question 2

Dear Zed,

Do Zombies have eating disorders?

Sadly, the answer to this very serious question is yes. Eating disorders are no joke. I couldn't tell you how many malnourished Zombies are out there because their lower jaws have been shot off, or most of their teeth are missing or some other human caused calamity.

This is an Epidemic people! Well besides the fact that Zombies were possibly caused by an Epidemic. So please, do what you can to help these poor unfortunate souls. Put down your weapons, unlock your doors, and lean your head ever so slightly to the right.

Thanks!

Keep those questions coming! I'll do my best to get to them all!

askazombie@hotmail.com